You're welcome.
Not for the many times you'd be running and I'd come get you. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because to you I never say no. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because I put my career on the line because I believe in you. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because you drive even though it means I'm stranded while you have fun. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not for the times I take you on adventures. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because you are fed and your pocket isn't empty. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not for the times I'm alone and I worry. In general though.
You are welcome.
Not because I buy things for you just to see a smile. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because my home and my bed are shared and open to you. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not for silently hurting while you tell me about amazing sex with everyone...but me.
In general though.
You're welcome.
Not for the times I offer guidance. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because I offered myself in your place. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not for trying to keep you on track. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not for the essays and articles. In general though.
You're welcome.
Not because I love without being loved.
In general though.
You are welcome
Because in all of this, you are not a burden, you are a blessing. In general though.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
A few forgotten lessons
I haven't posted since January of this year partially because I'm lazy and partially because I really haven't had anything noteworthy to write about.
No good deed goes unpunished. Don't ever be surprised by this.
Placing someone else's needs in front of your own can and often does leave you taken advantage of. You should still put others before yourself.
You should be careful how much you invest in others. They may just keep taking and resent you when you no longer give.
Unrequited affection is a perfect reason to leave.
Anyone who makes you feel like less or makes you question yourself is a damn ENEMY.
If you are ashamed of how you feel, you are a damn fool. Own your fucking feelings.
If someone is willing to allow you to compromise yourself to benefit themselves, again, ENEMY.
If you don't work hard, you get nothing. Quit bitching.
If you do work hard, chances are, you'll still get nothing. Quit bitching.
The world owes you nothing.
If someone is good to you, appreciate that shit and return it in kind. There are too many shitty people for your lack of gratitude.
Your goals should include making life better.
You will hurt someone eventually. The aim is to hurt as few as possible and show compassion when you have to do it.
People are assholes. Greedy, selfish takers. All people. Unless you're the Pope, or Jesus.
If someone hurts you, as hard as it may be, don't kill them.
If you love someone and they don't love you, why are they there? Why are YOU?
If you're attracted to someone and they aren't attracted to you, why are they still there?
If you are someone's back-up, you fucking deserve that shit.
Closets are for fucking clothes. So are damn labels.
Fuck the Jones'. I have my own drummer, my own life ideal. You do you.
There. Some life lessons I feel like sharing.
No good deed goes unpunished. Don't ever be surprised by this.
Placing someone else's needs in front of your own can and often does leave you taken advantage of. You should still put others before yourself.
You should be careful how much you invest in others. They may just keep taking and resent you when you no longer give.
Unrequited affection is a perfect reason to leave.
Anyone who makes you feel like less or makes you question yourself is a damn ENEMY.
If you are ashamed of how you feel, you are a damn fool. Own your fucking feelings.
If someone is willing to allow you to compromise yourself to benefit themselves, again, ENEMY.
If you don't work hard, you get nothing. Quit bitching.
If you do work hard, chances are, you'll still get nothing. Quit bitching.
The world owes you nothing.
If someone is good to you, appreciate that shit and return it in kind. There are too many shitty people for your lack of gratitude.
Your goals should include making life better.
You will hurt someone eventually. The aim is to hurt as few as possible and show compassion when you have to do it.
People are assholes. Greedy, selfish takers. All people. Unless you're the Pope, or Jesus.
If someone hurts you, as hard as it may be, don't kill them.
If you love someone and they don't love you, why are they there? Why are YOU?
If you're attracted to someone and they aren't attracted to you, why are they still there?
If you are someone's back-up, you fucking deserve that shit.
Closets are for fucking clothes. So are damn labels.
Fuck the Jones'. I have my own drummer, my own life ideal. You do you.
There. Some life lessons I feel like sharing.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Exile and the Watchtower
I built Watchtower four years ago. I had found myself stumbling through the dark, damp alleyways of my soul. Afraid. Weak. Alone. With every step, I seemed unable to evade my inner demons as they taunted; tripping, pulling at me and laughing at me from the shadows with a sinister conviction only the ghosts of children's nightmares can conjure.
I had lost my job, my love, my friends and my self. If I was to survive, I needed to escape. I needed to retreat and heal. I had to regain focus. I had work to do.
While I could spin tales of how and why, those are stories for another day. What is important is that somewhere in my partially self imposed exile, I found something. I found that in my singularity, I am strong. I found the Watchtower.
From my perch, I was able to focus on my amazing career. I was able to focus on a gift I've been given and hone skills most couldn't understand. I found my center. I was able to call upon talents and discovered that these talents can protect and guide others.
From my place of exile, my fortress in the sky, I can and I do, make the difference.
Forgive the vagueness. Forgive me for my brevity. It's late and I'm tired. I needed practice.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
To All the Girls I've Loved Before
I dedicate this post to the women in my life both past and present
who have shaped, influenced, taught and loved me.
As March draws herself to a close and Michigan slowly ushers in her spring season, an old friend reminded me that it is Women's month.
Normally I don't get in for "themed" months, rather finding them silly or distasteful, but I'll spare the opposition here in favor of the great ladies in my life. It's a glimpse into what I see as special and hope you find it special too.
Mom, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't look back and thank God for you.
I remember breaking my thumb in grade school and you found a way for me to do up my pants despite my cast. When we discussed Stranger-Danger during one of the many summer trips to Sugarloaf, you gave us the safe word "Terrifying Duck." You made sure we knew what family was and the importance of sticking together as one. There were family vacations, trips to the lake and water fights that weren't limited to the outdoors. You were my biggest supporter when it must have been hardest to love me. You put yourself through school so you could teach others and you refused the notion that your body would dictate your limitations. I see you with your grandchildren and hope one day they will know what an amazing person you are. I love you.
Margaret Elizabeth, the going hasn't always been easy for you and me. I'm grateful that we grew into adulthood and through making our peace became close. You're an amazing mother and I hope you remember to live a life that is anything but beige. I admire your strength and your discipline. I love you.
Ma'am, thank you. You are every bit the grandmother I need and love.
Grandmother Harrison, you've inspired me in ways you never could have known. I wish you could have seen how it all turned out.
A- sup hoe? you're 30 years deep with this and we can't seem to shake it. You've saved my bacon more than once and gave me my life back. My confidant, my friend, my most lovely and inappropriate friend. Words aren't there for the shenanigans we continue to pull. I'd say crazy, but we know that's not true.
You're strength is inspiring and your insight is remarkable. Morning coffee never tasted so good.
Kathy G., you were the friend I needed when I needed one the most. You taught me it was not only ok to march to my own drummer but expected I should have my own marching band. You taught me much about being my own person and you shaped me in ways only a big sister could.
Cat, you were my first girlfriend and we see how that turned out. You're my friend and sister. Your family is my family.
You and I never have enough time. I love you and I miss you terribly. You and that brother of yours, you gave me hope.
Chrissy- not many people can say they have a friendship that falls generations deep. In fact, when we were little, I thought we WERE cousins. I am truly glad to have grown up with you and honored that I still call you friend. I love you and hope
that in this life and next, friends we will remain. Oh, and sorry about the white kitten on your birthday that one year.
All of these women have faced obstacles of great difficulty and not only survived, but thrived. They serve as inspiration and influence and the world is a better place with them in it.
who have shaped, influenced, taught and loved me.
As March draws herself to a close and Michigan slowly ushers in her spring season, an old friend reminded me that it is Women's month.
Normally I don't get in for "themed" months, rather finding them silly or distasteful, but I'll spare the opposition here in favor of the great ladies in my life. It's a glimpse into what I see as special and hope you find it special too.
Mom, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't look back and thank God for you.
I remember breaking my thumb in grade school and you found a way for me to do up my pants despite my cast. When we discussed Stranger-Danger during one of the many summer trips to Sugarloaf, you gave us the safe word "Terrifying Duck." You made sure we knew what family was and the importance of sticking together as one. There were family vacations, trips to the lake and water fights that weren't limited to the outdoors. You were my biggest supporter when it must have been hardest to love me. You put yourself through school so you could teach others and you refused the notion that your body would dictate your limitations. I see you with your grandchildren and hope one day they will know what an amazing person you are. I love you.
Margaret Elizabeth, the going hasn't always been easy for you and me. I'm grateful that we grew into adulthood and through making our peace became close. You're an amazing mother and I hope you remember to live a life that is anything but beige. I admire your strength and your discipline. I love you.
Ma'am, thank you. You are every bit the grandmother I need and love.
Grandmother Harrison, you've inspired me in ways you never could have known. I wish you could have seen how it all turned out.
A- sup hoe? you're 30 years deep with this and we can't seem to shake it. You've saved my bacon more than once and gave me my life back. My confidant, my friend, my most lovely and inappropriate friend. Words aren't there for the shenanigans we continue to pull. I'd say crazy, but we know that's not true.
You're strength is inspiring and your insight is remarkable. Morning coffee never tasted so good.
Kathy G., you were the friend I needed when I needed one the most. You taught me it was not only ok to march to my own drummer but expected I should have my own marching band. You taught me much about being my own person and you shaped me in ways only a big sister could.
Cat, you were my first girlfriend and we see how that turned out. You're my friend and sister. Your family is my family.
You and I never have enough time. I love you and I miss you terribly. You and that brother of yours, you gave me hope.
Chrissy- not many people can say they have a friendship that falls generations deep. In fact, when we were little, I thought we WERE cousins. I am truly glad to have grown up with you and honored that I still call you friend. I love you and hope
that in this life and next, friends we will remain. Oh, and sorry about the white kitten on your birthday that one year.
All of these women have faced obstacles of great difficulty and not only survived, but thrived. They serve as inspiration and influence and the world is a better place with them in it.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Goodbye.
I wish you luck.
I harbor no ill will.
I have long since forgotten what it was like to be your friend.
I have long since forgotten what it was like to love you.
I no longer keep any reminder of what was, because what IS is what matters.
I am ready. I am open. Without you, I am free.
I suppose in a twisted way, I owe you thanks.
Thank you for behaving the way you did. I came out stronger and proved to myself yet again that not you, not anyone will break my faith or my belief that my spirit cannot be broken.
Thank you.
I am at peace. I am whole. I sincerely hope you will someday find the same.
I harbor no ill will.
I have long since forgotten what it was like to be your friend.
I have long since forgotten what it was like to love you.
I no longer keep any reminder of what was, because what IS is what matters.
I am ready. I am open. Without you, I am free.
I suppose in a twisted way, I owe you thanks.
Thank you for behaving the way you did. I came out stronger and proved to myself yet again that not you, not anyone will break my faith or my belief that my spirit cannot be broken.
Thank you.
I am at peace. I am whole. I sincerely hope you will someday find the same.
I briefly want to say...
Wow, it's been a while. While writing is one of the things I love most, I find it also one of the more difficult things for me to do. I feel the constant need to write, but I cannot just write. It must have meaning. It must come from the depths of me. It must send a message. I haven't really had much of that in me as of late, and when it comes, I find myself overwhelmed and unable to focus on one topic at a time.
Much has changed over the past year. Much indeed. It's inevitable. We live, we grow, we evolve.
I'm still in the small country town I was in last year, far removed from the disappointment that my life in the city had left me with. I'm stronger here, at least for the time being, surrounded by people who love me. Family in every aspect.
I'm back to work. Loving my job. Proving to the world that I am indeed the best man for the job.
Challenging and rewarding.
I have everything I need.
Life is good.
Much has changed over the past year. Much indeed. It's inevitable. We live, we grow, we evolve.
I'm still in the small country town I was in last year, far removed from the disappointment that my life in the city had left me with. I'm stronger here, at least for the time being, surrounded by people who love me. Family in every aspect.
I'm back to work. Loving my job. Proving to the world that I am indeed the best man for the job.
Challenging and rewarding.
I have everything I need.
Life is good.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Valentine's Day 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
My phone is always within hear-shot
At constant touch if silent
Ready for a call from you or everyone else
You’d think things have calmed down by now
You’d think the dust would settle
I still can’t see my hand at my face
Not that I would need eyes to see you
Or ears to hear your voice
Your scent
Your rhythm
We just know
Is it wrong to talk about such things so soon?
It is taboo to talk about the future with only countless I love you’s tallied
Taboo to talk about children?
And how they will have Mohawks and tiny leather jackets?
Aviator shades and the combined attitudes of their fathers?
Your temper?
My cool?
Talks about how I’ll get a call from the neighbors when I get home from work
Saying that dad and the little ones were once again up to no good
I’ll go over there and fix their window
No TV for them
No me for you
Not tonight
I’m tired from work and fixing that goddamn window
You owe me a backrub anyway
If this dust should ever settle
If our path finally or suddenly becomes clear to us
We just might find that
In vision granted
We’ll be exactly where we needed to be
And if it doesn’t
I would willingly wander aimlessly blind, deaf and disoriented
So long as I know that it’s your hand I feel
Holding mine
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