To All the Girls I've Loved Before

I dedicate this post to the women in my life both past and present
who have shaped, influenced, taught and loved me. 

As March draws herself to a close and Michigan slowly ushers in her spring season, an old friend reminded me that it is Women's month. 
Normally I don't get in for "themed" months, rather finding them silly or distasteful, but I'll spare the opposition here in favor of the great ladies in my life. It's a glimpse into what I see as special and hope you find it special too.

Mom, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't look back and thank God for you.
I remember breaking my thumb in grade school and you found a way for me to do up my pants despite my cast. When we discussed Stranger-Danger during one of the many summer trips to Sugarloaf, you gave us the safe word "Terrifying Duck."  You made sure we knew what family was and the importance of sticking together as one. There were family vacations, trips to the lake and water fights that weren't limited to the outdoors. You were my biggest supporter when it must have been hardest to love me. You put yourself through school so you could teach others and you refused the notion that your body would dictate your limitations. I see you with your grandchildren and hope one day they will know what an amazing person you are. I love you.

Margaret Elizabeth, the going hasn't always been easy for you and me. I'm grateful that we grew into adulthood and through making our peace became close. You're an amazing mother and I hope you remember to live a life that is anything but beige. I admire your strength and your discipline. I love you.

Ma'am, thank you. You are every bit the grandmother I need and love.

Grandmother Harrison, you've inspired me in ways you never could have known. I wish you could have seen how it all turned out.

A- sup hoe? you're 30 years deep with this and we can't seem to shake it. You've saved my bacon more than once and gave me my life back. My confidant, my friend, my most lovely and inappropriate friend. Words aren't there for the shenanigans we continue to pull. I'd say crazy, but we know that's not true.
You're strength is inspiring and your insight is remarkable. Morning coffee never tasted so good.

Kathy G., you were the friend I needed when I needed one the most. You taught me it was not only ok to march to my own drummer but expected I should have my own marching band. You taught me much about being my own person and you shaped me in ways only a big sister could.

Cat, you were my first girlfriend and we see how that turned out. You're my friend and sister. Your family is my family.
You and I never have enough time. I love you and I miss you terribly. You and that brother of yours, you gave me hope.

Chrissy- not many people can say they have a friendship that falls generations deep. In fact, when we were little, I thought we WERE cousins.  I am truly glad to have grown up with you and honored that I still call you friend. I love you and hope
that in this life and next, friends we will remain. Oh, and sorry about the white kitten on your birthday that one year.

All of these women have faced obstacles of great difficulty and not only survived, but thrived. They serve as inspiration and influence and the world is a better place with them in it.

Goodbye.

I wish you luck.
I harbor no ill will.

I have long since forgotten what it was like to be your friend.
I have long since forgotten what it was like to love you.

I no longer keep any reminder of what was, because what IS is what matters.

I am ready. I am open. Without you, I am free.

I suppose in a twisted way, I owe you thanks.
Thank you for behaving the way you did. I came out stronger and proved to myself yet again that not you, not anyone will break my faith or my belief that my spirit cannot be broken.

Thank you.

I am at peace. I am whole. I sincerely hope you will someday find the same.

I briefly want to say...

Wow, it's been a while. While writing is one of the things I love most, I find it also one of the more difficult things for me to do. I feel the constant need to write, but I cannot just write. It must have meaning. It must come from the depths of me. It must send a message. I haven't really had much of that in me as of late, and when it comes, I find myself overwhelmed and unable to focus on one topic at a time.

Much has changed over the past year. Much indeed. It's inevitable. We live, we grow, we evolve.
I'm still in the small country town I was in last year, far removed from the disappointment that my life in the city had left me with. I'm stronger here, at least for the time being, surrounded by people who love me. Family in every aspect.

I'm back to work. Loving my job. Proving to the world that I am indeed the best man for the job.
Challenging and rewarding.

I have everything I need.

Life is good.

Valentine's Day 2007

Monday, February 12, 2007

My phone is always within hear-shot
At constant touch if silent
Ready for a call from you or everyone else
You’d think things have calmed down by now
You’d think the dust would settle

I still can’t see my hand at my face

Not that I would need eyes to see you
Or ears to hear your voice
Your scent
Your rhythm

We just know

Is it wrong to talk about such things so soon?
It is taboo to talk about the future with only countless I love you’s tallied
Taboo to talk about children?
And how they will have Mohawks and tiny leather jackets?
Aviator shades and the combined attitudes of their fathers?
Your temper?
My cool?

Talks about how I’ll get a call from the neighbors when I get home from work
Saying that dad and the little ones were once again up to no good
I’ll go over there and fix their window
No TV for them
No me for you
Not tonight 
I’m tired from work and fixing that goddamn window
You owe me a backrub anyway

If this dust should ever settle
If our path finally or suddenly becomes clear to us
We just might find that
In vision granted
We’ll be exactly where we needed to be

And if it doesn’t
I would willingly wander aimlessly blind, deaf and disoriented
So long as I know that it’s your hand I feel
Holding mine

Balloon Project: We Have Lift-Off

225 Red Balloons. I found that putting the message IN the balloon was better. It would/will keep the message dry without the added weight of the plastic bag.  I am a little worried that I won't get the response, but we'll see. Like a message in a bottle, but in a balloon. I'll keep you posted.

Life takes some unexpected turns. It will knock you down. It will fool you into making choices that you will wish you hadn't made. Life is a prankster. 

I can't lose sight either, of the fact that Life is also wise. It is kind and it is giving.  It gives second chances. I loves people who have faith.

Have a cornucopia of things going on here as of late. Personal stuff that makes me weary and tests my resolve.

I am in love. Always will be.

That's all I have for now, but I promise I'll be back with something worth-while soon enough.

The Balloon Project

Sometimes as adults we are inspired by the things we did as children. Such is the case with the Balloon Project. 

I will be sending hundreds of messages, each one containing not only it's individual message, but a piece of a puzzle and a link to here, up in balloons. Hundreds of balloons, each one carrying a piece of me.

What I get back will be interesting. It may compose a poem, a story, maybe just a series of random postings. I won't know, until I compile and post. 

I know full well that what is sent out will not all return, but I would like to see what does come back and how it comes together. 

I'll keep you posted. 

D

Sometimes life is an asshole.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired. 

So very sick. So very tired.

Life stands still. 

Expect to see more here soon. 

very soon.